Silent Torment
by Nadja Lee
Summary: Jean’s thoughts on Scott who she feels is drifting away from her….[set after Scott's return in the 'New X-men' storyline]


Silent Torment                              

By Nadja Lee     27/11/01

English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.

Disclaimer: "X-men" and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.

Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.

Timeline: Set in the comic universe. New X-men.                   

Universe: Set in the comic. 

Romance: Scott/Jean

Summary: Jean thinks about Scott and how he has changed

Archiving: Want, ASK, take,  have.

Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is neh@post10.tele.dk.

Rating: PG-13

Part 1:

Silence…silence….  
For me that is the worst punishment. I know people through my mind; through the trail they leave there.   
I've tried to be truly blind; my metal powers denied me, and it nearly broke me. Yet it was nothing compared to the blindness I suffer now.  
As a young girl I wanted my powers to go away. I wanted to be normal. I learned to control my powers at day but at night they'll run wild; I'll hear every thought, every desire for miles around…it was like a whole concert inside my head. Finally I learned enough control and the screaming became background noise I took no notice of. I quickly began to love my gifts because they had great advantages; when I want something I don't have to stand up, all I have to do is use my mind; should I ever be in doubt over what someone is thinking I'll always have the option to learn. My gifts are the powers must people wish for. Who doesn't want to be able to make things fly, to be able to fly yourself, to be able to read others thoughts and feelings? It has through time always been desired gifts.  
When I met Scott I knew my happiness was secured. The bond we share is one of the greatest gifts I've ever gotten; the total trust and sharing. What more can I ask for?   
We struggled through so much, we lived through so much, we survived my death and rebirth…I thought we would have Heaven forever. That those things would never change.  
But then it happened; the thing I had always feared. Scott died. Gave his life for another. My life crumbled and turned to dust. I plead, I cried, I mourned…. but I didn't give up. With Nathan I finally found him again and I was able to bring him back. And once more things were good

It was as if he had never left, only better. He was much more emotional; told Nathan and me how much he loved us, how much he appreciated what Charles have done for him, all what the team means to him…It was good times. No, it was perfect times. While he was in Genosha with Logan he was a changed man; a happy man, a free man. I've never seen him so happy and willing to open up. Through our bond he told me he loved me several times a day. It was sweet and romantic…. and very comforting. After months in darkness it was wonderful to feel him again; really feel him in my mind. It made me feel complete.

But then something changed. He changed. When he returned from Genosha he was like a different person. He became closed and seemed almost angry all the time. I tried to reach him but he turned away from me. It was like he was punishing me for something but I don't know what. I just wish he'd speak to me. We have long stopped touching but now I can't feel him in my mind either. I feel so lost. Why is he doing this? What have I done? Is it because it took so long to find him after Apocalypse had him? Is it because I kissed Logan all that time again? I'm really so sorry about that. Truly am I. It is him I love, not Logan. Why is he doing this to me? Why has this wall of silence risen between us? Can't he see his mental and physical silence is tormenting me? 

I can never forget a few months ago when I tried to reach him. I went to him and kissed him on the cheek and told him I loved him. He didn't react, he didn't turn, he just stood stiff as a statue and replied icily;  
"Love you too, wife."

What kind of answer is that? He has never been so cold before. What is going on here? Why is he mad at me? I swear in his words I almost heard contempt.

He spends more and more time away from me and when we lie in bed together he avoids my embrace and his mental shields would demand force to get through. He has closed himself off from me in every way.

He spends all his time on missions…with her. Why? Is this punishment for when I was with Logan? I swear I never slept with him. I know now I should never even have flirted with him, I know that and I'm sorry I did but this….

I want to know the truth. If he has really slept with Emma I deserve to know but I don't dare probe his mind for I dread the answer. That and I want him to tell me himself. To reassure me that he didn't. But when I asked him his answer was vague and could easily mean he had slept with her. 

And why her of all people? He knows we don't get along. Is that too to punish me? Oh, I wish he'll talk with me so I at least know what I've done wrong.

I can't get over the feeling that maybe this isn't really him at all. That maybe Apocalypse isn't really gone after all. Maybe some part of him is still in Scott and is darkening his soul, or maybe I never really freed him or maybe he really isn't Scott. Maybe the man with Logan on Genosha was the real Scott but something happened; an alien overtook his body, a body shift…anything is possible in the world we live in. After all *my* life have been overtaken by an alien so why not his? 

It may sound like wild accusations but I know Scott and this is not he; not the man I know. Not the man I love. 

Because Scott would never do this to me. Never.

I can't believe that. I won't believe it.

The End


End file.
